yet I still hope

I said many things and was angry with God for not performing what He was supposed to do, for not coming to my defense.

I blamed Him for not protecting me because whatever it seems like is just not happening for me.

But yet this morning I woke up with little teeny bit of hope. Hoping that all will be well, that future seems so far away.

The year is coming to an end in 2 months. Thus far it seems like everything that can come against me is against me. How can it be said that i have met Jesus. I didn't think it would be this way. Always thought that after meeting Him I would be protected, all my worries would desolve. But it doesn't seem to be this way at all.

Have I been cheated? At the moment I feel as if I have been. By those lies I have been hearing. Want so much now to crush away the least bit of hope that I have now and not hope at all. So that I won't be disappointed.