Now I know.. I'm the one stopping myself from receiving my blessings

Yes guilty, sinner, me. After accusing everyone around me even my friends, family and the ones closest to me. I blame everyone for my mistakes for the wrong paths that I take, for the wrong feelings and emotions that I feel. It's just me. So typical of my flesh to so easily blame others. But I am redeemed, I am made clean. I just need to know not to self condemn.

What i was conscious of was My wrong mind set and wrong believes were the cause of me not seeing my blessings that are already around me, orders that were supposed to come in months way before were hindered because I didn't even have faith in the God who loves me. I didn't have faith in His word, I took it as secondary.

But yet He still loves me. He still wants to remind me that He will not forsake me.

And He did. In my moment where I felt lost and afraid, He showed me. That was when I really gave up whatever I thought would work and just leave it to Him to handle it. All I have to do is enjoy what I enjoy doing. And orders after orders just came pouring in. Best was when I thought my site was ugly and the products I sold were not even worth looking it. The orders just came in on the site direct, not through another platform which is more popular with good traffic. Not once but many times. PTL!

Now I know.. it's not me who supplies but my supply is from heaven. My God supplies all my need. I just lean on His arm of strength.

I have no idea where these buyers come from but I know now that I'm already blessed and no one can take it away from me. Because my Jesus paid for it, so I'm gonna take it and claim and claim full restoration in 100 fold for those months that were stolen from me. And even more!

No longer will i condemn myself nor let others make me feel condemned.

My Jesus who doesn't even judge me and loved me so much He died for me at the cross. So that I could receive His abundance of grace and gift of righteousness. I don't even deserve it but I get it.

Lord I lean on your wisdom, show me how. Show me the things that I don't even know that I don't know. Show me the things that I thought I knew but actually don't know. I want to know You.

utterly saved

I'm so saved utterly saved.. even if I try to run away from it even if I try to deny it even if I try to deny my God exists. He never fails to find me, He never fails to perform, He never fails to love me, He never fails to bless me. And He never stops reminding me of His love for me.

I'm chosen, even in my mothers womb. He chose me. Just so loved that a sinner like me can receive all these because of Jesus perfect work at the cross.

No matter how depressed I was the past couple of days, no matter how my thoughts run about thinking that the whole world hates me. He chose to love me, to die for me. He wants me to know that He will protect me, that no weapon formed against me shall prosper.

Jesus is a real person.

not my kinda religious style

ok this kind of way of seeking the Lord Jesus doesn't suit me at all.. spend time in the word spend time in the word.. didn't bring me anything much for the past few months.

only when I decided to give up then things started moving for me.

why can't these people just understand that some people cannot be forced an not everyone suits their style of talking to Jesus.

every time he doubts me whether I spend time with Jesus, everytime he tries to correct me and tell me that I am wrong. my way of spending time with Jesus is wrong.

I will seek the lord when I want to seek the lord. the lord will never leave me anymore any way, he is here for me even when I watch my drama movies. why can't I just do things the way I want to do it. not everybody has to subscribe to the same method.

anyway I cannot stand these hypocrites, everytime comment about other peoples lives. we all need help we all need Jesus. he just cannot stand it when I'm stating what I see happening in front of me especially pertaining to that one person whom he completely worships the ground that he walks on and he is not even God!

these frustrating thoughts shall be gone soon.. after letting it go here I feel like I have unloaded

sometimes the one you love and the one closest to you is the one who will stab you from the back and attack you and worst still claim that they do it because they love you. they will say mean and nasty things in front of you face thinking that because we are close in relationship that it will not hurt. why am I always disappointed?