Terrible mistake

Again my old self is back to haunt me.. My anger that I cannot control myself, leading to me making a break up that eventually I regretted and said sorry and ask to be forgiven

I did it so many times that I still don't learn and I dont even know where I should learn

My new job started 2 weeks ago and now this is the 3rd week I took 2 days of urgent leave already. What is the matter with me

I keep wanting to do things my way and not do anything when I don't like it

That's just me, nothing good can come from me

Jesus is my savior, with Him I have everything and can do all things even though I super don't qualify for it

How to be disciplined? I really can't and I'm really not capable of being disciplined

Jesus help is really all that I need right now

I screw up time and time again it's annoying me even

Why can't I say the right things
Why do I always want to hurt people

I find it difficult to even meditate or keep to a schedule or even try doing it

Even for this I really need help
How is help going to come when I don't even bother to really be diligent about spending time with Jesus

Even if I want to look to Jesus I think I need a lot of help for this too

How what should I do?

It's so difficult on my own , Lord I need you now

Just 4 days into it

Today marks the 4th day for me back to the workforce, it was really tough for me on the first day. I had no idea what the people were talking about. What to do, what I should say, how I should approach my colleagues. I felt really lousy. But I thank God for His Grace and Mercy for me. I have people at work who are helping me, and I really need all the help I can get. I can't do it alone.

I just want to run to you Jesus. I feel sad that I cannot spend my time as much as I want to at home already. Or time with my partner as much as I used to do. Our time spent together seems to be just minutes. He seems happy or so it seems to me.

Happy to be a nobody

The Lunar New Year and Christmas family gathering taught a couple of things. After going through so much for the past few years, your life has been built up on our work status as your identity, take that away and you become a nobody.

It was scary at first to come to the realization of it, especially if you have built your life around work and your friends are mostly your colleagues. Once you don't have your dream career anymore, people look at you differently, they begin to pretend you are non existent because you are no longer somebody, you no longer have that salary, you no longer have that position.

When you have come to completely having nothing much in your life, society shuns such people. But I'm thankful that my Jesus doesn't say that and will never do that. He says to me, when you have nothing I AM your everything. Whatever He has He gives to me. There is no one else like Him. I just want to enjoy Jesus more and more. Want Jesus to fill my life. Because no one and nothing in this world, no job, no amount of wealth, no parent, no friend, no lover, no material thing can ever replace Jesus love for me.

My life is blessed already when I have the Blessor in my life and living in my heart. :)